How I Chickened Out!

                         Long before becoming pregnant, I fell in love with the idea of water births. I remember exactly how this love began! I was sitting in the middle of a Psychology class and one of my favorite professors, Dr. King was showing us a video on the topic. I believe the class was all about Child Development, and as a Psychology major I bought into everything the video said. It listed the benefits of birthing in water, as well as highlighted some things that did not necessarily happen in a regular hospital setting that was also beneficial for baby. At that time, I was in my early 20's.
                           When my husband and I got married (I was almost 30), I shared that having a  water birth was important to me. I shared the benefits, showed him a video and we decided that we'd plan to go to a birthing center when we got pregnant. Our initial plan was to plan our kids for three years after we were married, but we ended up pushing it back to our fourth year going into fifth, which is where we are now. Having said that, when we conceived, I furiously started looking into places I can have a water birth.
                           So picture this. We had just relocated to Tennessee in October after my husband finished his schooling, and we were pregnant in December! Where I envisioned us having our kids was now many, many miles away in Florida, so my plan to go to a specific birthing center was crushed. However, I discovered in Tennessee that home births seemed to be a really thriving option and whats more, having a water birth at home was also an option. Score....what can be sweeter than that! (Plus, I thought it would be great paying homage to an almost forgotten type of care in respects to my grandmother who is a retired midwife herself and delivered hundreds of babies as well!). So I found some midwives available for me to speak to, and figured my mind was made up. I was going to have my first born child, in the comfort of my home, in a tub in the living room, with my husband being able to catch the baby as he came out, complete with  dim lights, candles and music. Sounds romantic right?
                            Then somewhere in my research of midwives, reality set in, and all of a sudden I became terrified. What if something happened to this child during this process of me wanting to go completely out of the box? What if they could not get me to a hospital in time? What if they missed something during a check up? All the what-ifs started to bombard me and the more the questions came up, the further and further away I saw myself from my ideal birth dream. I did not even make official appointments with any of the midwives to discuss my fears. All of a sudden, this Mom to be who tries to avoid hospitals AT ALL COSTS was quickly on her way to making sure I was booked at a local hospital for our son's birth. How did I get here?
                             Shortly after my decision, over Sabbath potluck, I learned of a first time young mother who decided to follow through on her plan and gave birth at home. I could have kicked myself, and sometimes I wonder if I have made the right decision in choosing to birth in a hospital and not at home, or at least a birthing center. Even now, I have thoughts of dropping my OB and heading to the nearest midwife, especially when I start seeing those bills coming in! However, for now, I still don't think I have the guts to go through with a home birth even though it would give me my dream option of having a water birth. I have spoken to my OB in depth about certain things that I would like to be facilitated, and only time will tell if these things actually do happen. I think though that once I get through my first birthing experience, I would be more confident to be able to choose my dream option for the second baby. So to all the Moms, both past and present, who have had their baby at home, I salute you. I consider you the most brave and confident women because you have trusted that our bodies were made to go through this process naturally!

                                If you would like to learn more about the benefits for both Mom and baby by having a water birth, you can read HERE. In another post I would shed some light on some key things I wish for in my birthing plan (should it be able to be followed) for a hospital birth, including my doctor agreeing to let my husband cut the umbilical cord.